Delayed Offsides by Shey Stahl

Author:Shey Stahl [Stahl, Shey]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Crossing the Line Series
Publisher: Shey Stahl
Published: 2015-02-16T05:00:00+00:00

Leo Orting

High Stick - A minor penalty called when a player carries his or her stick above their shoulder, or hits an opponent with it, whether unintentionally or intentionally.

When I left Callie Sunday night after taking her to Girl and the Goat, I found myself unable to sleep. I don’t know if it was the news of me being a father soon, or what, but I was wide awake. And likely to remain that way.

Rather than toss and turn, I got up to eat a bowl of Captain Crunch around one that morning.

I thought, hoped, that my feelings would have changed by now after the road trip and the time for the news to sink in. But it hadn’t, and in that moment I realized it probably never would. I didn’t want to be a dad. I couldn’t change my feelings on it.

Maybe my reasons were selfish but I was on the road from October to April most years, twenty-three and nowhere near the maturity needed to be a role model for a child as far as I was concerned.

How would I manage taking care of another life?

And let’s not forget the childhood I had.

I never wanted a child to feel what I felt. That sense of loneliness knowing you were a mistake. You’d never know it looking at me now. I had everything I have ever wanted because I worked for it. I fought for me.

When I thought about why I didn’t want to be, most reasons were selfish, I didn’t want to take care of someone else. And then I thought about my childhood and how that related.

I thought of my dad leaving and the visions of the door slamming shut knowing at three, he was never coming back.

I thought of my mother looking at two little boys like they were a burden, something she was stuck with and never wanted.

All I ever had that I could remember, that made me feel anything, was hockey. It was so much more than a bond for me. It was a life, an intensity that turned to adrenaline. An addiction. A family I didn’t have but I did on the ice.

My love for hockey began early when a friend asked me to play street hockey with him. I did and never looked back. Suddenly nothing else mattered. Playing hockey wasn’t cheap either. A kid like me wearing hand-me-down clothes couldn’t afford to play. Hell, my mother couldn’t even keep a steady job half the time. When I wasn’t playing hockey, I worked for our neighbors and anyone who would let me work for money. Eventually I got help from coaches when they saw my talent because they couldn’t stand the thought of me not playing.

When Callie told me she was pregnant I freaked out and reacted in ways I shouldn’t have. I said some things I didn’t mean. Understanding how I was raised explained why I felt so strongly about not having kids. I never had a father around. He bailed when I was three and Patrick was just eight months old.

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